Who likes what drugs, and why
Had an interesting conversation via e-mail with a chap named Ken Restivo. Ken wrote me out of the blue and asked me
Subject: Were you in a band that played in the 1990s and did this song?
By any chance, were you in a band that played at the Edinburgh Castle bar on Geary in San Francisco some time in the late 1990’s, that had a song with the lyrics:
“I don’t wanna die! I just wanna fuck her one more time!”??
-ken
It took me a while to place it (I do so much fucking art I can’t remember it all), but it was a song I wrote about suicide called “Golden Gate Bridge” (MP3 here.)
The band he saw was a short-lived project called “Strychnine Blotter Party * .” Only played seven gigs, and only once at the club he mentioned. And the line is “I don’t wanna die! I just wanna fuck you one more time!” But I must say I am DAMN impressed that he remembered the show/band/song/me from that one show. We only played that club once. Don’t know how he found me from that, either. (Please chime in with a comment if you’re reading this, Ken.)
So Ken and I hit it off and I told him a bit about my rock history in San Fran, and we got into a discussion of drugs. Specifically, why musicians gravitate toward heroin:
Ken Wrote:
….I am fascinated by how many musicians are so fucking high so much of the time, and how susceptible we-all are to addiction. MUCH higher than the general population– it seems to be a disease that targets musicians.
Michael W. Dean wrote:
Well, musicians have low self-esteem and huge egos, and heroin compliments that. lol…..
Ken Wrote:
It’s gotta be more than that. Politicians and CEO’s also have HUMONGOUS egos, and low self-esteem (which is really the same thing), and they don’t tend to get addicted to anything except money and power (and kinky sex).
Michael W. Dean wrote:
CEOs and politicians are wired differently and prefer cocaine. And when they like kink, it’s usually paying someone to dominate them, whereas musicians tend to like to dominate their lovers, and get it free. A lot.
Also…..what you say is totally true, but captains of industry have some real confidence, believe everything they do is right, whereas musicians are stunted adolescents, their bravado is that of a scared little boy whistling in the dark. All musicians…from Stooges-wannabe doods in leather jackets to crotch-grabbing gangsta rappers….musicians are riddled with self-doubt. CEOs are absolutely positive they’re doing the right thing with every step.
And remember, with anyone, the number of tattoos is inversely proportionate to the amount of self-esteem.
Heroin makes you feel warm and makes you dream. Musicians are dreamers. Coke makes you feel like you could kick God’s ass, which appeals to CEOs.
——–
(This is by no means me giving myself the “final word” on this….anyone who wants to chime in, please do so).
===========
* Fun little Strychnine Blotter Party side note. Sean Keefe, our fucking great drummer, went home to visit his parents back east, and we had a rehearsal scheduled the day he got back. He called me from the airport and said “Hey…can you pick me up a burrito please? I’m broke and hungry.” I said “Sure” (he was playing free as a sideman in my band where it was all my songs, so of course I fed him if he asked).
He said “I spent my last money getting a shoe shine at the airport. You know…if you don’t look good, you can’t play good.”
—-
And if you wanna see some of the most painful web design ever, here’s the Strychnine Blotter Party web page I made in 1997. I quickly realized “this is hard on the eye, but it was fun to make” and moved on to easy-to-read as my main rule for web design. Unfortunately, most people on MySpace have never realized this.
—–
And here’s the lyrics to “Golden Gate Bridge”:
(by the way, the song is not the usual ABABABC song structure. It’s ABCABC. Few songs are.)
Lyrics:
Standing on the Golden Gate bridge.
looking for the girl who did not like to live
look for the girl with the atropine eyes,
as she flies!
I’ve got cabin-fever
I’ve been in my head for far too long
my brains are blowing out from pressure-jealousy
my strings are melting and I’m sure that I can fly-
maybe I’ll try!
(pre-chorus):
It’s another fucking sunset and
I’m checking out tonight.
Slipping into sleep, your memory slaps me awake.
I don’t want to die.
I want to fuck you one more time.
(Chorus):
I don’t want to die!
I can hurt you more alive
if that keeps me here for one more day
it’s all I need to say
stumbling through this world with all my lies
failing comically at all I try
I feel I’d like to die
but it hurts even to try
why should I try?
nausea, sweet nausea
anticipate my bane
sanctify and vilify to keep us both alive
I’ll just go to sleep
tomorrow means another chance at being sane
(pre-chorus, chorus) out…
March 30th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I found you via a link to your “DIY or DIE” movie. I probably got there via some post somewhere about BitTorrent or Radiohead or Trent Reznor or Creative Commons or something like that– a topic I’m very interested in.
I recognized your face in the picture promoting the movie. Remember, we’ve been reciting that lyric for 10 years now. I sent to the link to my friend, asking if that is the guy in the band we saw, the guy with “I DON’T WANNA DIE!!” and he said he didn’t think so. And so I decided to email directly to ask. The rest is history.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Just gos to show you how something you do just in passing will be remembered forever by someone paying attention. That may motivate me to be less of an asshole tomorrow when dealing with the public… MAY being the operative word there. heh.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Yeah….people remember. I used to be such an asshole that for about five years after I got sober, when people would meet me again and say “I remember meeting you, you used to know my girlfriend/be my friend’s roommate, etc.”, even if I didn’t remember them or the specifics, I’d shake their hand and say “I’m sorry.”
Was only half kidding when I said that.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Well its true that musicians do drugs, but then they become drug addicts and not musicians. thats a bummer, that stuff sucks the creativity right out.
However… they say its true that a lot of great music was written and performed on junk.
its hard to believe that anyone wud want to Do anything when high like that. I just wouldnt care.
On the other hand, doing some smack before a show i suppose would take out ALL the nervousness and whatever other negative vibes are going on, allowing some musicians freedome from trying to second guess themselves. im talking about improvisation and soloing here.
I never tried that, never will i suppose.
I liked coke,.. a lot. And it NEver improved my playing one bit. Only made me jones on the stage feeling like a bubble-boy, disconnected. just wanted OFF the stage, [sometimes id leave to do a line]
Speed.. now theres a drug that gets the Job Done. Get ready to be smart creative and motivated for about 24 hours. it really works!
but the aftermath of that is maybe worse than the other two.
thats my two cents.
ps: I stopped smoking weed …..during rehearsals and shows!
[ it affects my rhytm and tempo] someone congratulate me!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:05 pm
“ps: I stopped smoking weed …..during rehearsals and shows!
[ it affects my rhythm and tempo] someone congratulate me!”
Congrats!
My friend had a drummer who smoked pot. The friend referred to weed as “Groove-Be-Gone”.
MWD
April 1st, 2008 at 2:07 pm
That website hurt my everything. Do you have any recordings of the band?
April 1st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Lol…….
And nope. just that one song.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Groove-Be-Gone LOL ;PPPP!!! Oh my god, in the first band I was ever in, the drummer would get stoned and then be Just. Awful. But he was CONVINCED he played better stoned. So we taped him. Made him listen to it when he was straight. He was mortified. He quit smoking the ganja. I highly recommend this approach.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:55 am
Pat Libby: …any recordings of the band?
MWD: …nope. just that one song.
Michael - you don’t have any more of SBP? I still have a cassette you sent me a long time ago if you want it ripped. I really liked the band. I’ll send you a copy if you don’t have it anymore.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Would love it. Thanks Boris!
April 10th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Yay Boris!
May 14th, 2008 at 3:17 am
The lyric now has a cartoon for it:
http://xkcd.com/390/