“Tell you what. We’re going to go outside. We’re going to look at the lapels of the first thousand people who walk by. If more than fifty of them are wearing a goddamned American flag lapel pin, I’ll withdraw from the race.

“On the other hand, if fewer than fifty of the thousand are wearing a lapel flag, then YOU, Mr, Reporter, are going to resign your position immediately and apologize to me for EVER bringing this non-issue up. Agreed?”

And, of course, the reporter wouldn’t agree, because he/she would know perfectly well that most people feel no compulsion whatsoever to wear a fucking flag pin. At which point I would say: “Now start asking meaningful questions or I won’t be wasting any further time with you. I’ve got important things to be thinking about instead.”

My Viennese girlfriend is watching our election in disbelief.

“On my continent, we experienced a similar thing where people were expected to publicly display a symbol of ‘loyalty’ and ‘patriotism.’ That symbol was called a ’swastika’ and it was worn by people known as ‘Nazis.’”

America is going down the shitter.